


In Search of Blue Skies (Chasing Sunsets)

by ephieshine



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Body Worship, Bondage, Canon Compliant, Cuddling & Snuggling, Drabble Collection, Emotional Sex, Fluff, Frot, Hickeys, Love Bites, M/M, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Praise Kink, Sleeping Together, Trust
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-09
Updated: 2015-08-27
Packaged: 2018-04-08 12:28:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 10,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4305075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ephieshine/pseuds/ephieshine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eruri drabble collection with an inclination towards canonverse. Ratings are included for each individual chapter.</p><p>Prompts are welcome on <a href="http://ephieshine.tumblr.com">Tumblr</a>!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompted by thirstylevi: "how about eruri cuddling after a bad fight?"
> 
> Thanks Shane!

“Levi?”

Anger is a funny thing, simmering just beneath the surface sometimes, and an explosive fire at others, flaring unpredictably when sparked by fear or by worry. Anger is a hard thing for Levi to control.

Hard to control when he can’t keep loved ones safe. Hard to control when Erwin, mere  _days_  out of the infirmary and still on a strict schedule of bandage changes and proper sleep, had proposed the riskiest plan he’d come up with to date, involving himself setting out with the rest of the troops in less than a week.

 _“What kind of commander would I be if I stayed within the walls,”_ he had asked, winding a pristine bandage around the healing stump with infuriating calm, _“while my soldiers marched out to their probable deaths?”_

Levi had fought back a retort; some selfish, hurtful jab had risen to his lips, threatening to spill out. But he had never been good at fighting back emotion, and for the entire day, he’d bristled whenever Erwin had come near. Erwin had noticed, but didn’t bring it up as he’d finalized his plans, allowing Levi to stew in his own frustration for the day.

But when Erwin calls his name like that, end of the word rising up – “ _Levi?_ ” – the inflection like an uncertain tendril of smoke – cautious like he’s not sure if he’s even  _allowed –_  the anger dissipates, leaves behind charred pieces of emotions and an uncomfortable sensation of guilt in his belly.

What are they doing, fighting the day before they set out again? Why is the little respite they’ve been given marred with anger, tainted with bitterness?

“Are you still awake?”

“Yes,” he whispers, and he knows Erwin can hear the forgiveness in his voice.

–

Erwin climbs into bed with him with a wary sort of quietness, long limbs folding carefully around Levi, barely touching. Levi feels stiff, body unwilling to relent but mind ready to forgive. But slowly, slowly, aided by fatigue, his limbs relax against Erwin, and his mind drifts.              

He knows he has no right to be angry with Erwin, not if he wants to keep pretending his concerns are strictly professional. Erwin hasn’t changed; he’s never been one to stay back while his soldiers rush into the fray, watching from a place of safety. No, even from a tactical standpoint, it made sense for Erwin to be able to communicate quickly and efficiently. And no doubt, Erwin thinks it’s worth the risk for him, even now with his barely-healed arm, to go with them.

He thinks of the white-hot fear that had run through him, branded his mind when he’d heard the news of Erwin’s arm and chances at survival. Thinks of when he’d heard that Erwin was going to be hanged. Remembers the pain, the shock, the numbness of affect, the way he’d tried to keep it all out, tried to keep the feelings away because he knew letting it in would have  _broken_  him –

He turns, making the bed-springs squeak. The covers twist as he fits himself against Erwin’s shape, nestling into the sleepy man whose arm curls around him. Leans in, and is gratified this time – and this time only – to smell Erwin’s natural scent, not masked by soaps and perfumes; nuzzles against his shirt, inhales deeply. Erwin hums, a low noise clouded with sleep, but doesn’t move, doesn’t protest or comment. Levi’s careful not to jostle the stump of Erwin’s right shoulder as one of his hands dives under Erwin’s shirt, needy, desperate to feel the confident pulse of Erwin’s heart.

“Don’t you dare let yourself get killed,” he says, gripping the fabric of Erwin’s shirt. Then, burying his face against Erwin, lips against the hollow of his throat where his heartbeat pumps steadily, he murmurs, “You fucking idiot.”

Erwin’s jaw feels suspiciously damp, and he doesn’t comment on the hitch in Levi’s voice. Instead, he holds Levi closer, embrace tight until the sun rises.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Erwin and Levi taking an afternoon nap after a long day of training, paperwork, etc., please :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Cherrymoyaya. Rated somewhere between an M and an E at the end; clean for the most part.

0630

The sky is still dark when reveille sounds, a dreary gray with heavy clouds. Fingers uncurl, reach out—

—and find nothing. Ah, he thinks to himself. That’s why the air feels so brisk.

Erwin opens his eyes reluctantly, muscles protesting as he stretches. It’s been too long since he’s done anything but paperwork; he’ll have to ask Mike to spar sometime, he thinks idly.

Sleep-stiff fingers fasten the straps and buckles of his uniform; once he’s done, he stares forlornly at the single glass of water at his nightstand, taking a moment to feel sorry for himself. There’s a distinct absence of the lemon-scented disinfectant he’s used to in the air, and just the slightest layer of dust on his bookshelf.

.

0715

Breakfast in the officers’ cafeteria is a quiet affair, a dozen or so lowered heads going about their business.

Erwin finds Levi almost immediately by his crown of dark hair, his small figure leaning against the counter. Next to him, there’s a steaming mug with the faint aroma of tea.

He catches Levi’s gaze as he walks closer, and Levi rolls his eyes at the open fondness in Erwin’s eyes.

“Good morning, Levi. How’s your leg?” he asks as he reaches for the rolled oats next to the selection of Sina teas.

“Better,” comes the short (no pun intended) reply at his elbow.

They move to the tables, and Erwin silently notes the gingerness of Levi’s steps, an automatic thing. But as Levi had said, better than before. There are mumbled greetings at their table, yawns punctuating the low conversation.

Levi sits at Erwin’s right, and under the table his knee bumps against Erwin’s, then settles closer, their thighs touching.

“Sleep okay—” _without me_  “—old man?”

Erwin smiles. “I slept alright. A little cold, though—”  _you know how it gets when you’re not there._

“Sir, there are extra blankets in the basement,” Petra pipes up from across the table, eyes worried. “I’d be happy to grab them for you; we can’t have you getting sick.”

“That’s alright. I’ll manage,” Erwin assures her, and Levi scoffs quietly, off to the side.

Levi’s leg still hasn’t moved.

.

0930

The clouds finally spill over and rain starts to fall, first in a light drizzle, and then in fat droplets dotting the training ground with patches of darkened soil. Soon Erwin can hear the wet squishing noises as the new recruits spar in the grassy courtyard, and the smell of fresh rain filters in through the open window.

Erwin pauses in his writing to consider the wording of a particularly sensitive topic. The room is silent but for the sound of his own breathing.

From outside, “Kirschstein, if you kick mud at Jaeger  _one more time_ , I swear on the holy Walls I will have you running fifty laps with the Captain keeping watch!”

.

1320

There’s a knock on the door and Erwin’s heart skips a beat before he realizes the tentativeness meant it simply couldn’t be—

“Come in,” he calls, and the door opens to reveal Nanaba, a tray balanced between her hands. There’s a hearty serving of mashed potatoes and what looks to be meat sauce, and a small pastry, likely swindled out of the kitchen staff. “Ah… you didn’t need to—”

“You haven’t eaten lunch,” she says sternly as she sets the tray down with a small clatter and places a hand on her hip. She’s got that look in her eye, the one that reminds Erwin strongly of his mother. He can’t help but want to shrink back despite his hefty title of Commander.

He smiles meekly. “I must have lost track of time. Thank you, Nanaba.”

Her eyes soften as she scans the top line of the document he’s currently reading—breaking five, maybe ten rules on confidentiality and clearance, but  _still_ , if it could get him out of trouble with her…

“A debrief and a meeting plan? In Sina?” Her eyes dart back to his. “But—ah,” she says, understanding blooming. Her expression turns sympathetic. “For the previous mission.”

Erwin nods. Yes, their sponsors were not pleased to say the very least with the outcome of the mission to capture the Female Titan, even with what little information he’d deigned to release. They’d demanded his presence in Sina immediately, and he’d only managed to push the date back a week; even so, there was an absurd amount of work to do in that time.

Nanaba reaches across the table and pats his hand.

“Thank you,” he says with a small smile. “I’m very touched you noticed, truly.”

Her lips quirk. “Can’t take credit for that, actually. Mike’s the one who noticed Levi was alone and looking sour about it at lunch.”

There’s a slight pang of guilt at those words. “I see,” he says simply, and Nanaba bids him well before she leaves.

.

1530

“Cadet Kirschstein. I have a report here saying you’ve been disrupting training sessions all day; Greta says you’ve thrown mud at Eren Jaeger, flicked the back of his head, and even tried to sabotage his 3DMG. What do you have to say to these claims?”

The boy’s shaking, but bless him—his back still ramrod straight, fist held tightly at his chest in a perfect salute.

“Sir!” he says, voice trembling as he stares at some point just to the left of Erwin’s head. “I’m sorry for causing these disturbances. It won’t happen again, sir!”

Erwin raises an eyebrow. “So you admit to trying to sabotage his gear?” Greta’s messy scrawl tells him,  _blatantly and forcefully messing with Jaeger’s belts right after break, seeming to have dragged Jaeger behind the stables._

Inexplicably, Jean’s face colours spectacularly. “No, sir! It definitely wasn’t—with the intent of harming him. We weren’t fighting—or anything… I was just trying to help him get his belt back on!”

Jean’s face is beet-red at this point, a faint sheen of sweat across his brow, and Erwin sighs as realization dawns on him. Briefly he considers what course of action to take, and decides that the boy is hardly about to do anything of the sort again in the near future; he’s beyond embarrassment at this point. Still, a light push wouldn’t hurt…

“Cadet, I’d like you to consider your priorities, especially in the aftermath of our most recent expedition. I know to you the everyday training seems tedious and useless—” the boy shakes his head fervently, a horrified look on his face “—but I assure you, they are of utmost importance. And I would hope that my soldiers take it as seriously as I take my duties.”

“Sir,” Jean squeaks out, “I promise it won’t happen again.”

Erwin holds the gaze, counting another five seconds before saying, “Very well. I will let you off this time, but expect punishment if this happens again. You may go now.”

The boy bobs his head, face still pink as he turns away.

“And one last thing,” says Erwin at the last moment. “Remember that Jaeger is a particularly valuable asset to us. Make sure you don’t—ah, unintentionally hurt him. Be  _safe_ ,” he emphasizes finally, picking up his quill once more.

Erwin finds out that even the tips of Jean’s ears can turn bright red.

.

1700

No warning is given before Erwin’s door swings open—only one person on base has quite the audacity to do so.

“Ah, hello Levi.”

He enters with a look of grim determination on his face, handkerchief tied tightly around his nose and mouth, duster and cleaning supplies in tow. Flinty grey eyes scan the room quickly, narrowing when he sees the dust on the bookshelf. Then—

“What are you smiling about?” Levi scowls.

“Nothing,” says Erwin hastily. “You ought to be resting, Levi.”

His scowl deepens, and Erwin gets it; rainy days are suffocating. He finds himself appraising Levi’s gait again, noting the slight limp. It’s almost unnoticeable, a slight jilt of to his step, but that’s more likely a conscious effort on Levi’s part to hide the injury.“I’ve rested my ass off; if I  _rest_  any longer, there won’t be anything for you to grab onto tonight.”

“Tonight?”

Levi tries to hide a smile at the quickness of the question. “Do your paperwork.” Then, quieter, “Hello to you too.”

.

1734

After he finishes cleaning the shelves and adjoining room, Levi taps the leg of Erwin’s chair and Erwin obliges, sliding back.

But instead of reaching to clean under the desk, Levi sets his broom to the side and reaches his arms around Erwin’s neck, settling in his lap with his face nestled against Erwin’s collar, back bowed. His slight weight is a somewhat of a comforting warmth, and Erwin can still see over his shoulder to write.

“Ah,” says Erwin, mild. “Tired?”

“I was working with Gunther on this,” he says, leaning back and his mouth twisting. He gestures toward his leg, held stiffly-straight to the side. “Boring as fuck, and tiring too. But I think it’s getting better. Believe it or not, his father was a doctor for this shit. You know, rehab for injuries.”

“Is that so,” Erwin murmurs, quill still scratching precise handwriting across the page. Levi’s hair tickles his chin.

(He doesn’t ask why Gunther chose to join the Survey Corps; a doctor’s life within the walls is plenty desirable.)

There’s the scent of lemon once more in the air.

.

1815

Quietly, Erwin folds the completed letter and seals it, setting it to the side before he slides an arm under Levi’s thighs. With the other around his shoulders, he carries Levi to the sofa, careful not to jostle his injured leg.

Levi’s quiet snoring relents for a moment, and then he sniffles, body jerking out of sleep. 

Erwin twists to kiss the corner of his mouth, unable to resist the way Levi’s hair sticks up on the side. “I heard you missed me at lunch.”

“Tch,” Levi mumbles, burying his face in Erwin’s neck, but doesn’t deny it. He curls in, arms tightening. “You’ve got your hands full with shitty reports. I didn’t want to disturb you.”

“And the last two nights?”

Levi growls, deadly serious, “Fucking nurses wouldn’t let me out of their sight.”

Erwin chuckles, sitting down at one end of the couch. Levi’s small form is tucked closely against him—would be uncomfortably close had it been anyone else—weight resting mainly on Erwin’s thighs. The thin cushions do little to shield them from the hardness of the wooden frame, but Erwin could stay like this forever.

When he reaches out and gently grasps Levi’s ankle, Levi tenses, chary like a wounded animal. Erwin pauses, waiting for a response before he pushes up the dark material of Levi’s slacks; a change from the usual tight uniforms, the loose material probably a suggestion from the medical staff.

His leg is swollen, the skin around the area pulled tight with excess fluid where the primary area of injury is. The swelling starts halfway at his calf, moves up a bit past his knees, an angry red. Erwin’s seen enough injuries to know it’ll turn purple, then brown, then settle into his skin like a tattoo; one more scar to be mapped onto the warzone of his body.

Moving in small, gentle circles, Erwin’s thumb and index finger massage his slender ankle, tiny in Erwin’s grasp, and slowly moving up his calf. The muscle there is tight, tighter than it usually is—this, Erwin knows.

“There?” he murmurs, thumb digging in just a bit harder. Levi grunts an affirmative, shoulders stiffening before they relax.

Levi lets him continue for another few minutes, eyes hawk-like. Soon his arms come up to wind around Erwin’s neck again.

“You don’t have to do that, you know,” he says finally, shifting slightly, and Erwin stops. Levi stifles a yawn. “It’s almost dinnertime.”

“Mm,” Erwin says, just as Levi closes his eyes, leaning in more closely.

Neither of them move.

And despite the hardness of the seat and the awkward angle at which his arm is bent, within minutes Erwin falls into a more comfortable sleep than he has in days.

.

(Bonus) 2400

As soon as he enters the room, Erwin hears rustling as Levi sits up in bed.

“You ought to be resting,” Erwin says again as he sits, making the bed creak. Had he been awake the entire time? But nevertheless, he dips his head down to the hollow of Levi’s bare throat, nuzzling the pulse there as Levi’s hands tangle in his hair briefly.

“Hurry up and get naked,” comes Levi’s voice in the dark, sounding on edge. “I hope I haven’t been waiting for nothing, you overgrown bastard.”

Erwin undresses methodically, the clumsiness of his hands betraying his haste. It’s times like these he wonders how long it would take to redesign the 3DMG to be less… frustrating.

Finally, he sidles in, humming appreciatively at Levi’s warmth—oh, he’s missed this feeling.

“ _Shit_ , you’re always so cold,” Levi hisses but presses against him anyway, tangling their limbs together; Erwin’s careful not to put pressure on his leg.

Levi runs his hands up and down Erwin’s chest, then across his shoulders and arms, spreading the warmth across his skin. Slightly warmer now, Erwin slides his hand down Levi’s side, ends up cupping a firm ass, squeezing gently. Nestled between them, Levi’s half-hard cock twitches in interest as he growls, “Don’t be a fucking tease. I haven’t showered today.”

Erwin smiles, burying his face against Levi’s neck and inhaling deeply as his hand moves around to push Levi’s legs apart slightly—an unspoken request Levi readily obliges—to slide his hand around his cock.

Levi sighs and arches into his grasp, hips rocking with Erwin’s languid strokes, setting a slow rhythm. His hands fist in Erwin’s hair, pulling him closer to firmly press their lips together.

“Did you miss me?” Erwin murmurs against his lips. He tastes mint. “All alone in the hospital ward… I’m sorry I didn’t visit more,” he can’t help but add.

“Worst dirty talk ever,” Levi groans, pulling away slightly. But he goes on, “Yeah, I missed you, you big oaf. I imagined you were there with me last night, spreading me open and fucking me, whispering filthy shit in my ear with your huge-ass hands on my hips, and I jerked myself off to it. Felt fucking good, but would’ve been better if you were really there.”

Erwin’s breath hitches, and Levi takes his moment of distraction to spit in his hand and then reach down and press their cocks together, circling around with both hands. It’s a tight, wet heat, made slick with saliva, and Erwin lets his breath out with a small shudder.

“ _Fuck_ ,” he whispers, and closes the distance between them again, taking Levi’s lip between his teeth delicately. Levi has his eyes open—a habit unique to him in the lovers Erwin’s taken, but it’s always been oddly endearing. He squeezes Levi’s bottom again, pulling him closer, and Levi’s brows draw together, his lips parting with a pant. “You’re so good for me.”

Levi thrusts into his own grip, and the added friction has them both gasping with newfound urgency. The hot firmness of Levi’s erection against his, the smoothness of his skin—Erwin groans. It’s been too long, and he’s needy; knows he won’t last much longer the way his pulse is quickening. 

Reaching down, Erwin takes over, longer fingers circling around them with greater ease. Conscientious, his thumb drags across the the underside of Levi’s cock, seeking out that sensitive spot with every stroke, and Levi’s breaths quickly turn ragged; their breaths mingle, perspiration beading.

“Just like that, harder— _fuck_ , Erwin, I’m gonna—”

Pulse thrumming and nails scoring hot, sharp lines down Erwin’s back, Levi comes, spilling hot and sticky into Erwin’s grasp. He moans, a low broken noise right at Erwin’s ear, and that’s what sends Erwin over the edge, abdomen tightening as he comes, Levi’s name on his lips.

They lie like that for a bit, brows sweaty, and for a while their worries are far off; of a different lifetime. Erwin administers light kisses to the corners of Levi’s parted lips; he blames the euphoric glow for making him giddy.

Finally, Levi pulls back slightly. “We’re disgusting,” he half-laughs, breathless, and in the dim light Levi’s disheveled appearance makes Erwin’s chest tighten.

Trying to ignore his lethargy, Erwin starts to extricate himself, grabbing the cloth at the bedside stand to dab crudely at the mess on his hands. The practical side of his mind comes back into sharp relief, and he grimaces at the result of their haste. “I’ll fetch a wet towel for—”

“No,” Levi says, firm, and pulls him back under the covers. He drapes his arm across him, fingers curling around Erwin’s hip. “Sleep. You need it.”

A simple command—Erwin obliges him. He trusts Levi’s judgement.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for Sennfan, who's such a sweet person.   
> Rating: T for hickeys and a tiny bit of sexual content.

“Are you sure this is okay?” Erwin asked, his thumb pressed to Levi’s collar where he’d been guided.

“Yeah.” Levi leaned into the pressure and his legs hooked Erwin in against him where he was seated on the desk, eyes hooded, stoking embers in Erwin’s gut. “I want this.”

\--

It had been Levi’s idea, these marks of possession. Of ownership. He received them like a branding, body tensing, stiff like he wanted to be sure he wouldn’t flinch. Erwin hesitated more than once, continuing only at Levi’s insistence. After all, he had to trust Levi.

In their line of work permanence was an ideal: fine in theory, but unattainable in practice; bonds only lasted as long as the next miss of a grappling hook, and precious tokens were easily lost in the chaos of a battle. You had only your own body to trust, and sometimes not even that.

It was understandable then, this desire of Levi’s to be marked, even with the slightest semblance of permanence; something that would allow his body, if lost, to be found once more—not just the physicality of it, but with meaning etched all over.

Words that would not go quietly, but screamed:  _I was here._

Erwin leaned back to appraise his work, lips wet. “Look,” he breathed, tightening his fist in Levi’s hair and pulling him back.

Levi went with the motion easily, tilting his head back so he could see his reflection in the mirror off to the side. The movement made him bare his neck even more, the tendons in his neck standing out. Slight surprise flitted across his face, then satisfaction.

“Not bad,” he said quietly with an appreciative nod.

It was a wide mark, a rosy red quickly darkening to crimson, saliva-slick and bordered by the blunt indentations from Erwin’s teeth. The colour of it stood out against Levi’s pale skin, a wine-coloured stain on a white canvas, loud in its meaning.

 _I lived, and was not afraid._ Not matter how loudly his ghosts moaned and his demons screeched, no matter how close to him the monsters clawed, foul breath at his ankles.

Erwin dragged his lips up, up to the hollow behind Levi’s ear, mouthing gently at the soft skin there, nose ticked by short hairs. He felt Levi shudder in the cage of his arms, felt him reach for the bolo tie to drag him closer until Erwin obliged, sucking another mark into the underside of his jaw, soothing it over with a light graze of his tongue.

 _I fought, and it was for freedom._ Because  _this_ , living enclosed within the Walls was not what humanity deserved.

Levi rutted against him, cock hard, a thick line straining against the confines of his trousers. His legs tightened around Erwin’s waist, giving him leverage. A small noise of dissent escaped him when Erwin let go of his hair to reach down and unbutton said trousers, but it was quickly swallowed up by Erwin’s lips over his.

“You’re so beautiful,” Erwin murmured, and being this close made it easy to see the tinge that spread quickly across Levi’s cheeks, complementing the splotches of colour on his neck and the diffuse flush across his chest.

_I loved, and was loved._

You _loved me to my last breath, and far, far beyond that._

\--

“Gonna be much longer?” Levi asked, adjusting his cravat. His belts were fastened once more, impeccable.

Erwin grimaced. “Likely. You should sleep, Levi.”

He reached out to tug the cravat up just the slightest bit in order to cover up the highest mark there—purpling now—a secret between the two of them for now, but with evidence laid clear across Levi’s skin. Levi’s hand caught his, holding it to his cheek for a brief moment before he left, the door clicking closed with a certain finality.

 _I was here_ —

_And you were here with me._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shitposting on [twitter](http://twitter.com/ephieshine) with cherrymoyaya turned into this :')
> 
> cherry said something along the lines of: "I wonder when it started in canon; when did they go from accepting/trusting each other, to the only person the other fully believes in, to the same goddamn flesh and blood."

For Erwin it happens slowly, over the course of several years. He goes from being Squad Leader to Commander, which is to say a boy with hope in his eyes to a man with grim reality etched into the lines of his face. Through it all, Levi is by his side.

Levi, who started off as his trophy, slowly becomes the lethal weapon—Humanity’s Strongest—at his side symbolizing hope, then from a symbol in Erwin’s eyes became a man with hopes and fears of his own. Levi becomes more than Erwin’s right-hand man in battle at some point, perhaps in the bloody chaos of an expedition, or maybe during the quiet nights they’d spent Erwin’s quarters, when the candle spluttered in protest of how long Erwin had been working—at some point along the way, Erwin knew with utmost certainty that Levi had become a permanent fixture in his life.

When Erwin loses his arm, Levi is little more than a blessing, but Erwin never expected anything less.

–

For Levi it happens all at once with this god of a man, this commander—steadfast in his ideals, immoveable in his will—who makes himself the guiding light in Levi’s life.

When Levi finds Erwin, he is himself found. The shell of him, cracked and splintered and nearly broken in the aftermath his first expedition, finds an anchor in Erwin, something unshakeable. He finds himself through Erwin; burrows his way into the man’s life—not that it was difficult—and finds pieces of himself that he manages to put back together. Along the way, pieces of Erwin make their way into the mosaic. In Erwin’s goals and Erwin’s dreams, Levi finds the will to live.

And Erwin lets him take all that he needs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~YOU GUYS KNOW YOU CAN LEAVE COMMENTS AND PROMPTS ON HERE RIGHT???? (im running out of prompts to do help)~~


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Things you said at the kitchen table" prompt by Alex :) ~~ignore the fact that I hate modern AUs and thus wrote a reincarnation fic as a loophole~~

“Should’ve known you’d be a rich bastard in this life.”

Levi drags his finger across the spotless black tile, seeming satisfied when it comes away dustless. The motion is heart-wrenchingly familiar—slender fingers peeking out of long white sleeves; a wooden desk with countless inkblots sunken into the wood—and Erwin smiles.

“Fate has been kind to me this time around,” he says simply. And truly it has, he thinks as he winds his arms around Levi’s waist from behind, leaning in to nuzzle against his ear. They’re in their early thirties, both whole, both healthy. Erwin’s already been shot in the arm being in the wrong place at the wrong time, but apart from a few months in an uncomfortable cast, there’s no damage done.

Levi huffs, a displeased noise, but the helpless smile on his face betrays him.

He’s wearing one of Erwin’s sweaters, a thin, beat-up thing that’s seen better days. Somehow no matter what families they’re born into, they keep their original statures, and so the ratty thing goes down to Levi’s mid-thigh. Erwin slips a hand under it, pushing it up past Levi’s hip bones.

“You smell good,” he murmurs, loving that Levi’s face reddens so easily, the colour bleeding through pale skin. He pulls the lobe of Levi’s ear between his teeth gently, listening for the tiny hitch in his breath.

“ _You_ don’t,” Levi scowls. “You’ve got morning breath.”

But he turns around in the circle of Erwin’s arms, reaching up to kiss him. He misses at first—Levi’s never been a morning person—gets the corner of his mouth. Erwin chuckles, and Levi growls against his mouth. His fingers twine in Erwin’s hair and tighten at the base of his skull, seemingly intrigued by the longer strands there. Neither of them has an undercut anymore.

From last night Erwin knows Levi is still a biter, and so this morning he returns the favour. When he pulls away, Levi’s lips are swollen and shiny-slick, almost as bright as the fever in his eyes, a challenge written in them, so alive it positively _aches_.

(The last time around Levi had died slowly, the Spanish flu taking him away at the age of twenty-two, blood leaking from his very pores, life draining away—)

 _Healthy_ , Erwin says to himself firmly, repressing a shudder, and kisses him again, harder, drives his hips against him. Levi groans, a delicious noise Erwin swallows up. His hands venture lower, trace the curve of Levi’s ass.

“Hey,” Levi says, frowning as he pulls away. “It’s been a while and I’m fucking sore from last night.”

“There are other options,” Erwin says, sly.

And just like that, they miss breakfast and eat lunch at two o’clock.

The nights are for releasing years of pent-up longing, but the mornings—the mornings are for messy kisses and breathless smiles.

This is just how it goes, time and time again.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> prompt from fractalbright (via the writing prompts [post](http://ephieshine.tumblr.com/post/124199988474/send-me-a-ship-and-one-of-these-and-ill-write-a)): things you said after you kissed me.
> 
> rated like a T or even a G, just some kisses mmMMMM

“I’ve been waiting to do that for a long time.”

Erwin’s voice is soft in his confession, and the heart-wrenching earnesty in his voice makes Levi’s face warm.

He pulls back, Erwin’s fingers slipping from his jaw, the taste of Erwin in his mouth. It’s not a bad taste, he thinks distantly, especially considering Erwin’s had a raging fever, bedridden for the past few days. Some sort of ‘low-grade systemic infection’ from the wound, the doctor had said; whatever that had meant, Levi had stayed by Erwin’s side the entire time, always with a clean cool rag, more anxious than he’d ever care to admit, even to Erwin.

“Yeah?” he mutters, throat bobbing as he swallows.

Erwin’s eyes are bright, from the fever probably. (Levi doesn’t let himself entertain the possibility of anything else—not here, not now, stop—)

Levi snatches the cloth up again, dabbing roughly at Erwin’s forehead where sweat has broken again, and Erwin doesn’t flinch at the force.

Instead there’s a soft look in his eyes, a relaxed smile on his lips. Erwin looks younger like this, and goosebumps rise on the back of Levi’s neck like the first time Erwin had laid eyes on him, years ago in the underground city.

Levi scoffs to himself. It’s too late, and his mind is wandering in unwanted directions. He needs to sleep, hasn’t slept in a long time.

“Don’t leave,” Erwin says quietly when he’s done, catching his wrist with his left hand. He’s warm. The movement is hesitant, the arc of it unfamiliar with this arm. “Stay the night.”

Levi squints at him, can’t be certain he’s entirely lucid.

“Is that an order,  _sir_?” he sneers, but it’s half-hearted; he knows Erwin would never intend it that way.

(Anything for him, really, with that fucking look in his eyes, open and pleading and vulnerable—)

He’s unbuckling his gear before Erwin can reply, quick familiar movements belying his apprehension, the flutter in his belly— _gods_ , what is he, a fucking adolescent in the back alley with the first boy he’s kissed?

The cot is just barely wide enough for the two of them. Levi fits on Erwin’s right side, filling the void of where his right arm once existed. It’s a strange feeling, mostly disconcerting in how  _right_  it feels: he belongs here, in this unnamed space, damned as it is.

Erwin’s breath tickles him, too hot.

“I thought about it more than I want to admit to you.” ( _It’s the fever,_ he tells himself desperately.) “I’ve imagined kissing you so many times, Levi.”

Carefully and slowly, Erwin reaches out to trace the curve of Levi’s bottom lip, a butterfly-light touch. Levi can’t bear to look into Erwin’s eyes for the unbearable fondness in them, makes do by staring at his ear.

He catches Erwin’s hand before it gets to the nape of his neck, manages to choke out, “Well, I hope it lived up to your expectations.”

Erwin’s smile could light the whole goddamn base (and that’s what gets him, the pure, unadulterated joy—how can he deny Erwin that?).

“It did,” Erwin says simply, and moves in to kiss him again.

Levi lets him, giving in at last; he tells himself he’ll face reality in the morning.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> prompted by getblacky95 (via the writing prompts post): things you said with no space between us.
> 
> rated M, maybe an E if you're strict with this stuff. emotional porn and my poor darling levi

“Beautiful. You’re beautiful.”

Levi’s hands fist in the sheets and he pushes back against Erwin. “Hurry up,” he grates out, “hurry up and fuck me.”

Erwin’s rhythm is painstakingly slow, the friction delicious—but not nearly enough. He’s not sure what it is; is Erwin hesitating, regretting initiating this tryst? Or maybe he just fucks like this, slow and leisurely—maybe that’s how the Sina girls liked it, Levi thinks with a scowl, for the sake of their carefully coiffed hair.

The light touch of his hip makes him flinch. It’s a gentle contact, foreign. (He’s used to rough hands grabbing at him, grabbing and taking, not giving—)

Erwin hesitates, rhythm faltering slightly. “It’s alright, Levi. Relax for me.”

“I  _am_ ,” he snarls, hates the strange fondness in Erwin’s voice. Quite deliberately, he clenches around Erwin, relishing in the sharp inhalation it elicits.

“Oh, Levi.”

The bed groans, and Erwin’s sprawled over him, larger form covering him entirely. His hands and knees sink further into the mattress at the added weight, and he can feel Erwin pressed against the entire line of his body like a heavy blanket, all-encompassing. His pulse thrums in anticipation; he feels small, feels out of control, and he  _likes_ it like that because it’s  _familiar_ —

Then there’s a soft press of lips to his shoulder blade and he freezes— _what the fuck_  stutters on his lips as Erwin traces the curve of it into the dip of his spine. He shudders, can’t tell if it’s good or not, doesn’t know if he likes this shit Erwin pulls on him in bed—

“It’s okay,” Erwin murmurs to the nape of his neck, and his hand’s curling around Levi’s thigh, thumb racing the bruises from the Gear—and oh, he’s sensitive there, never knew he was, because he’s never been touched like this, like some delicate, precious thing.

He’s  _not_ precious and he’s certainly not delicate: this he knows.

Yet Erwin treats him like he is.

“Levi. Turn around for me.” And then he’s slipping out, Levi gritting his teeth at the loss. He feels like he’s under some spell, can’t stop himself from obeying with shaky movements. He moves to lie on his back with his legs spread wide apart, head turned into the pillow. He catches a glimpse of Erwin before he turns: mussed and sweaty, the intent on his face clear.

Erwin enters him again, pushes in as deeply as he can go, and Levi stifles a moan.

But Erwin doesn’t fuck him, not even now. He rocks back, hands steady around Levi’s waist, pulling Levi with him until Levi’s seated on his lap, gripping his shoulders for the lack of balance. The momentum makes him lean into Erwin, cock pressed between them.

“This way,” Erwin says, blue eyes on him, “I’ll be able to see your face when you come.”

Levi flushes, hands scrabbling against Erwin’s chest, Erwin’s thighs hard and strong under him. “Just—get a fucking move on—”

Erwin smiles, a quick flash of teeth that tells Levi he’s far from obliging.

“That colour on your skin is so beautiful, all the way from here” —he reaches out, fingers trailing from Levi’s jaw to sternum, goosebumps jumping to life in his wake— “to here.”

His hips push up, excruciatingly slow, and Levi moans a pitiful noise, sinking down. He tries to reach between them to touch himself, to jerk off to relieve the pressure, because Erwin’s not fucking moving, but Erwin catches him and twists his arm back, holding both his hands behind him. 

Levi could break the grip, gentle as it is, but it’s  _Erwin_ , and his hold binds tighter than the strongest manacles.

“Please trust me, Levi,” he murmurs, breath hot against his ear.

Levi’s shoulders sag. “I trust you,” he mutters, heart rattling between his ribs.

He lets Erwin crush him against his chest, their bodies pressed so tightly together that he can’t tell where he ends and where Erwin begins—it’s overwhelming, and he knows now he wants this.

“You’re beautiful, Levi.”


	8. strike (and shatter)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so im nearing a big exam (pls wish me luck) and wrote/posted this last night because i have no self control. it's not edited or anything so please excuse any mistakes; later i may come back to fix it up and make it a bit nicer. :) but anyway, have fun with body worship, tease and denial, and bondage ofc. rating: Explicit

Erwin has a sadistic streak few people know about. 

Levi, naturally, is one of the few who knows. It doesn’t bother him much, might even turn him on a bit when Erwin straps him down like this, naked body spread out, hands above his head and ankles tied to the bedposts in a bastardization of the maneuver gear.

Consistent with his public reputation, Erwin doesn’t get off on big, blatant displays of power. He doesn’t like whippings or canings, and even floggers are rare with him—no, he’s much more subtle than that, and some might even mistake for kindness what he does to Levi, but Levi knows better. Rather than breaking down Levi’s spirit through his body, he unravels him from within. 

Erwin’s patience is what makes Levi fracture into pieces every time.

–

Erwin likes to start at his feet. Light kisses pressed to the soles of his feet, hands curling around the belts binding his ankles; Erwin whispers things like  _what beautiful feet you have,_ breath hot and tickling against his feet. His thumbs press into the arch, a light massage as he sucks each and every one of Levi’s toes with meticulous care. Levi gets over his ticklishness quickly; learns to keep it locked up inside, and to detach himself from the feeling. 

(Even if he hadn’t learned, he would have had to bear it, being that his ankles and wrists are tied and unmovable. The alternative, to beg for Erwin to stop, is unthinkable.)

Then it’s his calves. Grazes of teeth from his ankle to his knee, Erwin’s cheek rough from a day’s worth of beard growth, sending shivers up his legs and to his groin. That’s the point at which Erwin starts to palm at himself through his pants, and Levi’s standing request for no blindfolding is something he starts to regret. Levi suspects Erwin has a reason for complying with this request: this way, if he’s tempted enough to look, he can see exactly what Erwin’s doing to him, and that’s not exactly helpful for Levi to maintain his composure. There’s no doubt Erwin looks good in his uniform, and when Levi’s in this state, splayed out, tied, and exposed, he can’t help but become aroused at the sight of the growing bulge in Erwin’s pants, the feeling of helplessness that comes with the commanding air about Erwin.

Levi’s thighs are probably Erwin’s favourite, judging by the attention he gives him. He takes his time with all parts of him, but his thighs seem to merit particular care. It starts off with soft kisses and light touches, then starts to become rougher. Little bites, teeth closing over skin lightly, turn into hard sucks of his inner thighs, bringing the redness of blood to the surface, speckling his skin. More than he’d ever care to admit, the thought of Erwin marking him turns him on, and soon he’s hard and leaking against his belly. The painful sting of the bites is invariably followed by a swipe of Erwin’s tongue that would seem almost apologetic if Levi didn’t know better.

Erwin pauses to admire his work, and the calmness in his eyes is what gets to Levi. 

“Please,” he says, voice hoarse from disuse, and his hands are clenching, rope abrading his wrists as he tugs against his confines. Erwin doesn’t respond, simply trails his fingers along Levi’s hip. He clears his throat. “Erwin, please.”

There’s a flash of amusement across his face, and Levi realizes his mistake immediately. 

“Sir,” he corrects himself, swallowing hard. “Sir, please.”

But the damage is done. “That’s one, Levi.”

There’s a tiny slip in Erwin’s composure as he grins, quicksilver and feral for a split second before it’s gone. His fingers press into the soft skin of Levi’s inner thighs, and he winces; there are bruises there, blossoming marks from Erwin’s mouth, red and purpling like the juices of the luxurious berries Erwin had once been gifted after visiting Sina. Levi pulls himself up to look, sees Erwin’s mouth ghosting his cock with a small exhale that makes him twitch, sticky pre-come a thin string following the motion. He wants so badly the pressure of Erwin’s mouth or hand—anything really, even a goddamn piece of cloth would do at this point—against his cock; he’s certain he can come given just a few strokes.

He knows Erwin sees it, the minute signs that he’s close to his breaking point. He’s not sure what gives it away in the end: maybe it’s the hitch in his breath, or the slight tremor of his arms, or the helpless tightening of his abdomen—or perhaps it’s all of them together. It doesn’t matter; in the end Erwin knows, and he makes contact this time, drags his lips lengthwise along the shaft of Levi’s dick in a smooth, wet movement before pulling away.

“Is that what you want?” he asks, a hairbreadth away from the redness of Levi’s cock. 

“Yes, sir. Please.”

Feather light touches up his inner thighs; he feels the skin sting where Erwin had bitten minutes ago, feels a muscle jump at the touch. He breathes through his nose, deep and deliberate, in anticipation.

Erwin’s tongue swipes at his slit, a fleeting touch that makes him whimper. When Erwin pulls away, he has to fight back a plea. 

“Do you want me to take you in my mouth? Suck you hard and fast until you come? Is that what you want, Levi?”

He forces himself up slightly to meet Erwin’s gaze. “Yes, sir.”

Erwin smiles at him, a fond expression that goes to his eyes. He splays his hand across Levi’s abdomen, just above where the dark hair starts. He scratches lightly, and Levi shudders. 

“But don’t forget, Levi, that I’m the one in control.”

With that he leans down, presses a kiss to the tip of Levi’s aching cock, and parts his lips just slightly, bearing down so that Levi’s dick pushes through the tight ring his mouth makes, but just the tip.

Levi thrashes.

“Oh gods, please sir,  _please!_ ” he nearly sobs, hips bucking up to meet the heat of Erwin’s mouth. And he gets it for a split second—a glorious sliding pressure around the first inch of his cock—then it’s gone. 

Levi strains upward desperately, seeking the pressure again—a few more seconds and he could have come, he fucking knows he could have—for a moment before he comes to, realizes how far he’d gone.

“Did I say you could move, Levi?” Erwin’s voice is dangerously mild, and very calmly he undoes the first button of his shirt, as if he’d gotten just slightly warm with exertion. “That’s two already.”

Levi forces his hips back onto the bed, gritting his teeth. Erwin’s hand reaches out and curls around his cock—for a split second he thinks Erwin might show him mercy, but it doesn’t take long to figure out it’s not for his gratification.

Erwin’s thumb presses cruelly into the head of his cock, nail biting; Levi writhes, toes curling at the pain, but keeps his hips still and his lips sealed. His eyes squeeze shut, and there’s moisture on his eyelashes.

“Who’s in control?” Erwin demands, fingers digging into the soft skin just behind Levi’s sac, and Levi’s abdomen jumps, clenches as Erwin rubs circles into the sensitive flesh.

“You are, sir,” he manages, fighting back a whimper. Erwin rewards him with one good, full stroke from base to tip. “Ah—fuck.” 

Erwin pulls away.

“Oh Levi,” he says, and he sounds almost pitying, if not for the slight amusement in his tone. His body covers Levi suddenly, and his breath is hot against Levi’s mouth as he leans in for a quick kiss; Levi’s left gasping and wanting as Erwin rises again, sitting back and straddling Levi’s hips. “Haven’t I told you to watch your language? That’s three.”

There’s a twisted grin at the corner of his mouth as he edges back down the bed until he’s at Levi’s feet. The groaning of the mattress is the only noise in the damning silence. 

A warm, large hand cradles his ankle, and Erwin’s blue eyes glint as he pops Levi’s little toe into his mouth, sucking it into a wet heat once again. His thumb circles the little valley behind the jut of his ankle bone slowly, patient as ever. Levi’s head falls back onto the pillow with a quiet thump, and he groans in defeat, tears beading at his eyes, a litany of pleas pushing at his lips. But he keeps silent. 

“You have beautiful feet, Levi.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for Eruri Week Day 4: Touch.
> 
> best described as "fluffy sexual tension"; administer with toothpaste to fight cavities. rated somewhere around a T.

“You called me into your office for this? Some kinky shit you want to try out? Could’ve given me some notice—I haven’t taken a shit since yesterday.”

Erwin shakes his head, a small smile on his lips as he holds out the strip of dark cloth. A blindfold. “It’s nothing of that nature, I assure you.” Seeing Levi’s wary look, he adds, “Please, trust me, Levi.”

 _Of course I trust you_  rises unbidden to Levi’s lips as he takes the cloth from Erwin, tying it around his head and double-knotting at the back. The material is dark, blocking out all light. It bunches at his nose and he pushes it up; the smell of it is sufficiently clean—though he wouldn’t have expected anything less from Erwin.

His hands fall back to his sides, and he feels Erwin’s fingers wind around his, gentle. He pulls, and Levi follows unseeingly, stepping gingerly across the carpeted floor of Erwin’s private quarters. There’s the squeaking of a couch and the pressure on his fingers changes; he’s pulled sharply downwards and lets himself lose his balance, finds himself falling onto Erwin—Erwin’s lap, specifically. The couch groans again at the added weight.

“What the hell. I thought you said…” he mutters, heat rising to his cheeks, but he adjusts his weight in Erwin’s lap nonetheless, settling high on his thighs. His ass rests in the dip between Erwin’s legs, but it’s awfully chaste; he can feel each of Erwin’s breaths, slow and steady. Erwin’s hand rests against his back, anchoring him, and he relaxes slightly, hands resting atop his own thighs.

It’s not that he feels in danger here—far from that, being as they are in the safety of Erwin’s bedroom, possibly one of the places Levi feels safest of all—no, it’s simply the discomfort of  _not knowing_. The confusion of being pulled from duty mid-afternoon with a summons to Erwin’s office. The initial panic he’d fought to keep veiled in public, before dissipating upon seeing Erwin safe and whole in his office, turning towards him, leaving only an uncomfortably rapid pulse between his ribs.

He doesn’t like not knowing.

There’s a faint rustling to his right, the curious sound of parchment crackling, and Erwin’s body shifts before straightening again. The hand on his back moves up and he shivers slightly despite the layers of clothing separating them; Erwin gets to the nape of his neck, fingers ghosting up to the short hairs at the base of his skull, pressing in lightly.

Something touches the corner of his mouth and he parts his lips automatically, for Erwin. He realizes it’s not a finger, nor a toy, rather a small flaky thing that crumbles as Erwin pushes it into his mouth. He bites down and it breaks messily, pieces sticking to his lips. On his tongue, it’s sweet and fine, the light outer layers giving way to a creamy interior, moist texture holding the delicacy together.

He swallows, and he doesn’t think he’s ever tasted something so rich.

“Good?” Erwin asks, a hint of a smile that Levi can’t see in his voice, and Levi nods, reaching a hand up to wipe at his mouth. But Erwin catches his hand and brings it back down to his lap; then there’s a soft cloth dabbing at his lips, clinical almost, as if careful not to touch him directly despite the position they’re in. He feels like a child—not in a belittling way, but in a way such that he feels safe and comforted by the contact.

His mouth is dry, and he reaches up to remove the blindfold. Erwin doesn’t stop him.

The package, half-opened paper wrapping around the pastry and a small jar like that for salve, is on the table next to the couch. “Where is this even from?” he demands, blinking at the light. Erwin’s face is closer than he had anticipated, weary lines accentuated by the candlelight.

“It was sent in by the Sina merchants’ association, likely to win my favour for the upcoming budget review by the royal court. They will be disappointed,” Erwin says wryly, “that I will not be physically present to cast my vote for them to receive extra funding to go straight into the pockets of the nobles who purport to keep the union functioning.”

A rather unsubtle hint. Levi imagines this was not a small gift, considering the pastry had had actual diary in it for the cream. He can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times he’s had dairy.

“This is fucked,” he growls. “While there are people in the Underground who live days on breadcrumbs, they’re feasting on meat and dairy and—”

“I know,” Erwin murmurs, and it’s not the arrogant dismissal of an ignorant—Erwin understands, as much as he possibly can for someone who didn’t grow up in the slums of the Underground among the sick and the starving and the starved. Levi’s shoulders slump as the flare of his anger wanes. “Unpleasant, yes. But there’s no point is wasting this food.”

Levi’s lips twist, and he looks away, acutely aware he’s still sitting on Erwin’s lap, and that the first thing Erwin had done upon receiving this had been to feed it to him. “Why the blindfold?”

“I simply wanted to surprise you. Am I right in assuming you’ve never had something like this before?”

“So this is out of pity?”

Erwin is quiet for a long moment. When Levi turns to look at him, he says quietly, “Is that really what you think?” His eyes aren’t accusing.

There’s a pause, and then Levi sighs. “No, it’s not.”

The fond smile returns. “Here, I want you to try something else.” Erwin retrieves the jar, unscrewing the lid. “It’s honey,” he says, “made by tiny creatures they call buzzers in Sina. They’ve got little enclosures with them, and a whole colony of them only produces a small jar like this every few days.” There’s some sort of translucent viscous liquid inside, and he offers it to Levi.

“Well?” Levi raises an eyebrow, not reaching for it. “Aren’t you going to feed me? I thought this was the point of this set-up.”

Erwin’s expression changes, smile replaced by a flash of something darker. “If you insist.”

His arm circles around Levi, weight shifting, and dips his index finger into the honey. It comes away in a thick string, sticky and glistening. His eyes are hooded as he lifts his finger, and Levi leans in to meet him, tongue darting out to catch the drip, and then lips closing over Erwin’s finger fully, not breaking eye contact as he sucks, more suggestively than Erwin had probably expected, before coming off with a pop. Erwin’s finger is shiny-slick.

“It’s really fucking sweet,” he mutters, and Erwin huffs a small laugh. “But good. It’s good.”

“More?” Erwin asks, and Levi nods.

This time it’s messier; Levi follows the sticky saccharine trail down Erwin’s middle finger with the tip of his tongue before flattening out and making his way back up. Erwin’s eyes are hooded, rapt as Levi sucks on his fingertip; his finger curls inside Levi’s mouth, tracing Levi’s gums for a moment.

They’ve fucked before, the lewd sound of skin slapping against skin with clothes half-pushed out of the way and hushed voices choked on grief, desperately seeking the contact of another human body in the most basic way possible.

But this is different. It’s intimate.

He can’t even taste the sweetness anymore, just knows to follow the salt of Erwin’s skin, instinctive, as he moves down, teeth grazing knuckles and biting lightly at the junction of his index finger and thumb. Erwin’s other hand against his back fists in his shirt, and Levi presses a kiss to his palm.  _Thank you._

Erwin’s hand pulls back, but there’s desire in his eyes.

“You should taste it too,” Levi says, gut clenching, and moves to slant his lips against Erwin’s, just slightly desperate.

The seam of Erwin’s mouth opens for him, and his tongue slides against Levi’s, tasting the remnants of the honey’s sweetness on him. Grinding his hips in Erwin’s lap, there’s a growing tightness in his pants, and he can feel Erwin smile against his mouth before pulling away, calm and collected. He’s always been able to control himself.

“Enough. I promised you I did not call you here for that reason,” Erwin says gently, and his thumb brushes over the curve of Levi’s lower lip; the light touch makes him shiver as he gets up. He leans in close, “But I  _will_  be expecting you back tonight, Captain.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> levisguyliner sent the prompt: "Everything's going to be fine" Eruri for a fluff meme, but SAID IT WAS OK TO WRITE ANGST SO ??? HERE. CH 72 FEELS. HELP ME.

Morning comes too soon, slivers of sunlight passing through the blinds, stripes casted across their bedsheets.

Erwin’s already awake. He’s pressed up against the backboard, staring straight ahead. The sunlight falls across his body, old scars white and silver across his shoulders and chest; the once-gaping wound of his shoulder has gone from bloody and raw to a dull, angry pink, still not entirely healed. Levi hasn’t seen it bleed, not in a long while, but sometimes after Erwin trains with him or takes his horse out for a gallop, there’s blood stained into the sleeves of his undershirt.

Levi wants to close his eyes and feign sleep.  _Just a little longer_ , he thinks, pleads, but Erwin notices somehow, maybe the subtle change in his breathing.  

“Good morning,” Erwin says, although they both know it’s not.

Sleep leaves him like a gust of wind and he pushes himself to a sitting position. The words come out in a rush. “This is a suicide mission, and you know it.” He can’t hold back the accusatory tone, the hurt in his voice.  _A suicide mission for_ you.

“I know.” Erwin looks at Levi, eyes pained and earnest. “I know, and I’m sorry.”

“Then you… you better take care of yourself out there.”

“I will.”

“I won’t have time to look out for you.”

“You won’t have to, I promise.”

“But your shitty 3DMG skills-”

“I’ve gotten better.”

“I saw you fall off your horse just last week!”

“She was spooked by a fox!”

“Bullshit, there’s no wildlife around here-”

“My sources beg to differ.”

“You don’t even have-”

“I swear! On Nile’s honour.”

Levi snorts, and they pause; there’s a spark between them as they gaze at one another, chests rising and falling slightly more quickly in the aftermath of the banter. A small smile has settled on Erwin’s lips, his cheeks alight with a faint colour. But it’s a fragile thing, this lively spark, and Levi watches as it flickers and fades from Erwin’s eyes in the looming shadow of the upcoming day.

“Should’ve broken your fucking legs,” Levi mutters, turning away.

Erwin looks down. “I’m sorry things turned out this way. Truly. If it had been any different, Levi you know… you know I would have-”

“ _Don’t_ ,” Levi cuts across sharply, and his chest is impossibly tight as he twists out of the blankets, the cool air making the hairs on his legs rise. He can’t hear Erwin say it. Not now.

He can feel Erwin’s gaze on him as he fumbles for his clothes, sliding them on with methodical movements, just a bit too much force behind each tug of cloth. He doesn’t trust himself to look at Erwin until the last buckle is fastened and tight against the bruises that mark him as one of the Survey Corps.

When he finally looks up, Erwin’s hand is clenching atop the sheets. He hasn’t even begun to get dressed. With a sigh, Levi moves to pick up Erwin’s clothes as well to help him dress.

“You spoil me,” Erwin says with a rueful smile, arm outstretched helpfully, and Levi doesn’t say  _Because nobody else will_ as he pins up the right sleeve.

“I’ll kill you if you aren’t careful out there,” Levi says hoarsely when he’s done, and they both know he’s only half joking. He steps back, gets ready to leave.

_What will I do when you’re gone?_

He’s spent decades chasing after Erwin, close on his heels, ever present like a relentless shadow. (Or perhaps, he’s been nothing but a dog in fruitless pursuit, blind loyalty. And even that, he doesn’t really mind.)

“Levi, wait.” He wonders if it’s the last time he’ll obey those words.

Erwin comes close, and his arm wrapping clumsily around Levi’s right side, chest pressed flush against Levi’s back, and in that moment they’re no longer Commander and Captain, set to depart in hours on a mission with impossibly low odds; they’re just men, two jagged, broken pieces fitting together haphazardly but somehow, just right.

Levi exhales shakily.

“Everything’s going to be okay,” Erwin says quietly, a promise. His hand strokes Levi’s hair the way Isabel used to pet stray, flea-ridden dogs in the Underground City, and Levi leans into it, seeking that touch like he’s never done before. (He might never have the chance again.) He twists to the side to let his head fall against Erwin’s shoulder, and he swallows a noise that wells in his throat.

Erwin’s eyes are distant, his hand still in Levi’s hair, moving down to the nape of his neck. Levi wonders what he sees. Perhaps, the memory of his father with the realization of the dream so close to fruition; maybe a vision of the world without Titans; or the empty eyes of fallen comrades whose lights have been snuffed out along the way.

He’s gone already, Levi thinks, and his gut clenches.

He leans into the caress like he leans into the words of the false promise.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt: "I wish I could hate you."

Erwin finds him at his worst, a terrible rage searing through freshly-made cracks, still raw around the edges.

“You,” Levi snarls, and the ornamental plate in his hand shatters from the force of his grip.

Erwin doesn’t flinch. “There were complaints about the noise,” he says calmly, side-stepping pieces of darkened glass that seem to have once been a bottle of whiskey. All around them there’s debris—broken inkpots, bursts of black ink; glass and torn paper; an explosion and a far cry from the usually spotless office Levi inhabits. “Seeing as the other occupants of this hallways are no longer with us—”

There’s a pained noise, not unlike the cry of a wounded animal. Levi grabs the edge of the desk between them like it’s a lifeline. 

“ _Say it_. Don’t use euphemisms—it doesn’t meant shit.  _They’re fucking dead._ ”

“I’m sorry about your squad, Levi.”

Levi’s shoulders visibly stiffening, he gropes across the table for something, anything, as if searching for an anchor and finding none. He seizes a quill instead, fingers curling around it so tightly his nails dig into his palms, hot white indents.

“They’d be alive if it wasn’t—wasn’t for—”

— _you._

He can’t bring himself to say it; even in this state of abandon, he knows it’s not the truth. It’s not, but it always feels like it.

Something flashes across Erwin’s face, something terrible and dark, but it disappears quickly as he reaches across the desk separating them and circles his fingers around Levi’s wrist. His thumb rests firmly against a taut tendon, grip tight until Levi’s hand releases the quill.

Levi lets out a shuddering breath, and all the fight seems to go out of him.

“I wish I could hate you.” 

His voice is small in its confession.

Almost of its own accord, his hand curls into Erwin’s grasp like vines seeking the sun, their palms aligning and their fingers tangling.

“I know,” Erwin murmurs as he pulls Levi in, feeling every sob that wracks the smaller man’s body.

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt me please on my [tumblr](http://ephieshine.tumblr.com/ask)! :D


End file.
